Revision and Editing Exercises:

(Exercise #1, 78 Opening Up Your Story):

Italics=ADDED EDITS

“Don’t Play with Fire or You Will Get Burned”

            A middle-aged woman named Eleanor adored animals more than her own kind. She became disheartened through many trials and tribulations with humans, but always held a place in her heart for her mother. Because of her distaste for much of the world outside her mother’s home, she rarely left, and remained a recluse from the real world most of the time. Eleanor spent most of her days lounging on her mother’s couch with her dog Cujo.

            Though she rarely went outside, one day Eleanor got up off the couch and went for a walk. Something in her bones told her to start facing the music of the real world outside her mother's home. During her journey, she noticed many dead animals, mostly foxes, with faces resembling her small Pomeranian pooch. The smell of decay brought back memories that had been long forgotten. Memories her mind blockaded and wished never to recall. Her father was a bookie at the local derby. One day when Elaina was in Kindergarten her father, concerned about his daughter feeling different from the other little girls agreed to bring her with him to work for, “Take Your Daughter to Work Day.” A cowardly customer of her fathers was unable to pay her father on that gruesome day. Instead of running, he decided to wipe his slate clean. He shot her father in the face in front of her. Eleanor stood there in shock with bits of brain matter all over her. She was entranced by the black hole in his head that led to nothing. Her and her mother returned to the same spot he was murdered months later to honor the man he was. Still bits of his flesh lay scattered and stuck to the bleachers as if they were adhesive stickers. It smelt like death. The same death she smelt today. Disturbed and outraged by so much death, Eleanor returned home to the safety under her mother’s roof.

            “You mean road kill?” her mother said, staring at Eleanor like a deer caught in headlights.

            “Mommy, people are so evil. How could they savagely kill all those animals with their big, metal soup cans on wheels?” she asked, stroking Cujo aggressively as it lay on the floor.

            “It’s the cycle of life, my dear. Survival of the fittest,” her mother replied.

            Eleanor walked down the endless hallway to her room. Here, she pondered to herself for quite a while. How unfair it was that these animals couldn’t fight back against man, she thought.        

            “YIP, YIP!” She heard the high-pitched barks outside her door.

            It was her Cujo. She opened the door and gazed deeply into his beady black eyes.

            One day she mustered up the courage to go into town. But it wasn’t just any typical town. The area surrounding her mother’s house was said to be haunted, filled with apparitions and the spirits of its former residents. As she strolled through the tiny urban enclave’s stores and restaurants, Eleanor stumbled upon a witch’s shop and went inside.

            “A witch’s spell is cast upon your day, and all the foolishness goes away,” chanted the elderly woman on the other side of shop door. A sign hung over the entryway that read “ENTER IF YOU DARE.”

            “Can you give me the ability to make animals more powerful than humans?” Eleanor inquired without making eye contact with elderly woman.

            “Sure I can. It’s a little something I like to call ‘Voodoo,” the eerie woman replied, plunging her hand into a velvet bag of tricks.

            The woman handed Eleanor a small doll made out of sticks, woven in burlap. She then handed Eleanor a small bullet, the size that would fit in a little toy gun.

            “Tonight when the clock strikes midnight, you will place the small bullet into the Voodoo doll’s chest. Hold the doll close to you and chant, ‘Give thy animals thy strength to take my ability and never falter to thy power of thy humans again,’ until you are out of breath.”

            Eleanor timidly grabbed the doll and the small bullet out of the witch’s hand and made her way home. She nearly collapsed at the foot of her mother’s door out of exhaustion. It felt as if she had just dragged an anchor out to the middle of the deep blue sea, and was now sinking to the bottom of the dark ocean floor.

            That night, Eleanor conducted the witch’s ritual. The next morning she decided again to go for a walk, but this time just around the block. As she walked down the long serpentine street she realized that unlike last time, she didn't see dead animals resembling her Pomeranian Cujo.

            “BOOM!” She heard.

            She watched a Range Rover burst into flames, flipping and tumbling in the middle of the road as if it were a guinea pig running on a wheel. What she saw next amazed her. A zombie-esque fox stood on its hind legs in the middle of the road with the slip of a grenade in its right hand. Again, Eleanor took off like a rocket, desperately yearning to return to the safety of her mother’s home.

(Exercise #2, 85 Double Ending: Two Points in Time):

Characters (gay partners):

Bill

Frank

*= indicates where the alternate ending starts

“Rainbow”

(Act 1)

(Curtain up. A flamboyantly dressed man slams down the Democrat and Chronicle newspaper with a front page article entitled, “The Prospect of Same Sex Marriage in NYS Nearly Impossible under the Bush Administration.”)

Bill:

(Enraged screaming) Let freedom ring my ass!

INT: It is the summer of 2007 in upstate New York. A bubblegum pink Volkswagen Bug pulls into the driveway of the rainbow painted house. Frank, Bill’s lover walks over to his fuming boyfriend who is sitting in a rickety lawn chair on their front lawn.

Frank:

(Concerned) What’s wrong, sugar lips?

Bill:

(Passionately) I want to set our relationship in stone! I love you more than anyone Frank. Apparently the institution of marriage is a hoax. It is for those who want health insurance and tax breaks. According to the D and C the Bush administration deems our relationship unworthy of such benefits. Well here’s what I say to that no good cow-tipping redneck of a president of ours. He can go back to his simple life on a farm where his simple mind can join him and leave us folk in peace. This is the 21st century; he better open his mind to this reality.

Frank:

Or what, Sug? We have no control. We are only one couple, and a couple we will stay with or without a rock! For god’s sake Bill, do you realize how long it has taken the Jews, women, blacks and all other the other wild cards in America to be treated as equals? Our time will come, be patient! I’m not going anywhere.

Bill:

Whatever Frank, as the wise Beyonce once said to the single ladies, “If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it!” Soon I’ll be singing that diva’s tune to you.

Frank:

You already do, you diva. Let’s hope for the best, but expect the worst. After all, gays will be gays and we certainly aren’t the last of them!

EXT:

The realist and the dreamer leave their front yard to go back into their home resembling nothing short of a Provincetown house in the midst of the infamous gay pride parade. The couple prepares for their garage sale the following day. 

Inside Bill and Frank’s House- Continued:

Before lifting a finger for the garage sale the next day, Frank falls asleep on the couch watching the Ellen Degeneres show. Bill hastily gathers his beloved collection of 1980’s Ken dolls with a vast array of neon clothing choices for dress up from the fireplace mantle. He sets up two long tables in the front yard. Here he props up a bunch of old relics for sale, including the Ken dolls. Bill props the Ken dolls in Kama Sutra pornographic positions. Many of the Ken dolls have their pants dropped and appear to be fondling each other in a R-rated manner. Frank wakes up three hours later.

Frank:

(Stands up off the couch) Where did all the Ken dolls on the mantle go?

Bill:

(Sitting on the other couch pouting) I’m selling them! It’s time to get real and deal.

Frank:

(With a monotone voice staring blankly at Bill) I think you’re overreacting.

Bill:

(Spitefully) No, if I were a woman this would be considered overreacting! But men don’t have feelings and not being able to marry you doesn’t hurt my feelings.

Frank:

(Under his breath) Diva... (Walks away)

Bill and Frank’s House-Continued: The couple falls into a deep slumber on opposing sides of the bed.

EXT: The garage sale comes fast the next morning. Bill and Frank make their way separately outside. The couple sits on different sides of the front yard, each at a different table. A long pause follows, and neither Bill nor Frank makes a peep to one another. Their first customer is a devout Catholic grandmother from the south accompanied by her young grandson. Her grandson points and looks in confusion at the Ken dolls Bill posed suggestively. The grandma takes one look at the display of Ken dolls seemingly having an orgy and falls to the ground. She has a heart attack. Her grandson screams to the couple for help.

Frank:

(Pissed off) What the hell did you do you wisenheimer!?

Bill:

(Panics) It was just a practical joke. No need to get your panties in a bunch!

Frank:

(Serious) Call the ambulance you buffoon! Stop wasting time, this lady is going to croak!

Bill:

(Quickly dials 911 on his pink BlackBerry) Send an ambulance to 42 Bateau Terrace! A woman just had a heart attack on my front lawn. (Hangs up)

*Frank:

(Drops to the ground and starts bursts out a maniacal laugh) muahahahahahaha!

Bill:

(Infuriated) This ain’t the Cosby Show! STOP LAUGHING!

Frank:

(Winks at the woman’s grandson) Oh, but it is!

Outside Bill and Franks House-Continued: Bill is very confused by Frank’s flip-flop in behavior. Although he has always claimed to disbelieve in a big bearded man living in the sky; Bill falls to his knees and begins to cry, begging god for forgiveness. Frank remains full of laughter. Five minutes pass the elderly woman springs up on her feet and does a victory dance. Bill is flabbergasted. Frank begins to laugh harder.

Bill:

(Pissed) Would somebody in the great Gertrude Stein’s name mind telling me what the hell is going on!?

Frank:

(Barely able to catch his breath to respond) hahaha! You like practical jokes sug? But not when they’re being played on you, eh? Consider us even! I saw the dirty lay out of your Ken Dolls early this morning and decided to call in a favor. I hope you learned your lesson! If I have to pull another stunt like that I might just die prematurely of laughter. We would never see the white carpet and you the red, diva. Muhahahaha!

Outside Bill and Frank’s House-Continued: The elderly woman joins in laughing with Frank, hugs him and bids him ado with her grandson. Bill is enraged.

Bill:

I’m calling my lawyer. I want a divorce!

Frank:

You swore we could actually get married.

(Curtain down.)

Questions for the Playwright (Rewriting)

1. I really let go with this piece. When I closed the door of restraint, I opened the door to a comedy.

2. The major conflict is indefinitely same-sex marriage being illegal in NYS. It definitely puts a strain on this couples relationship. None the less they seem to be sticking it out and making light of the situation with practical jokes.

3. The dramatic action of the play happens when the elderly woman, "has a heart attack."

4. I've never written a play so it was definitely a bit confusing trying to portray moving from one scene to the next and signifying it by "EXT and INT." I really had to think about where the characters were.

5. The most important part to me is the beginning dialogue which sets the attitude of the couple and the passion revolving around the unfortunate situation they are in.

6. I think Frank definitely is the more serious of the two. Bill is clearly the more feminine of the two. The dialogue without a doubt shows how flamboyant and frustrated Bill is. On the other hand it shows how optimistic Frank is. He definitely grounds the two of them.

7. To have the same stance toward not legally being able to marry, but to ultimately get married someday.

8. Bill is protesting his frustration of not being able to marry Frank. Frank is protesting his frustration of how Bill is handling the reality.

9. I definitely took risks with the language and sensuality. Generally I would not write anything crude that I know my professor would set eyes on. I also took risks with the action of the play, meaning the elderly woman having a heart attack which is in actuality a practical joke.

10. The suggestive positioning of the Ken dolls made me cringe a little.

11. The second practical joke in the end surprised me. I wasn't anticipating making the elderly woman's heart attack a joke or even having her know Frank.

12. The prospect of same-sex marriage seems nearly impossible and is causing serious tension between a gay couple. Their frustrations are displayed by committing practical jokes on one another which helps them to make light of the unfortunate situation.

13. I'd like to see more characters interacting with the couple. Maybe even the elderly woman dialogue. I'd like to turn this into a full blown play with a vast array of comical acts revolving around the couple.

14. I'm not sure if there are any lose ends in this play, but if I had to pinpoint anything I'd say the lack of background information between the elderly woman and Frank. Such as how they know each other, and when exactly Frank communicates the practical joke plan to her?

(Exercise #3, 59 How to Keep a Narrative Moving Forward):

U= action moving forward

D= action not moving forward

“For The Love of Clothes!”

Margaret was a stunning 5’9 blonde with corkscrew curls and captivating lime green eyes. She had just turned forty and looked as if she hadn’t aged a day. She was slender through her obsessive compulsive nature of working out until she nearly collapsed. She was a bit of a control freak, maybe due to a lack of being able to control her own body. D

You see, Margaret couldn’t have children, and even after seeking the advice of top notch medical professionals and researchers, the results still came up as inconclusive as to why she would never be able to bear a child of her own. D

            Most of the time Margaret remained a bored housewife, and instead of loving a child she chose to love her husband.  But most of all, she loved the material things he bought her, like an apple-red convertible and wardrobe filled with expensive clothing. Her husband Richard was a successful ER surgeon who seldom was ever home, but attempted to show he still cared for her by buying her anything and everything under the sun. D

Like Margaret, Richard was obsessed with his possessions as well. Some may even call the dynamic duo greedy, lavishly spending money only on themselves for luxurious vacations and new Maseratis, but never a dime to visit their ill-stricken parents neither had seen in over a decade. The couple thought themselves to be happy with this life, but would soon find out they were not. Richard was also charming, but extremely cocky. He invested significantly in the stock market, and turned those profits into his own wing in the hospital. With so much money one would think the couple would donate money to charity, or maybe even the upkeep of Richard’s share in his hospital wing. But they never spent on anything of substance or moral value. Richard was forty years old, 6’3 tall with a toned body, full head of black hair and bright blue eyes that contrasted with the midnight hue of his hair like nothing you’d ever seen before. D

Although Richard had no problem dropping money on his privileged lifestyle for the sake of his marriage and his image, he never once thought to invest in a suave wardrobe that was up to par with his looks, which were definitely GQ Magazine-worthy. He wore socks with his sandals even in the midst of the long Manhattan winters, paired with tattered bird-watching hats,  and khaki shorts with holes that almost revealed too much of his chiseled butt. But mostly, he had a collection of retro and paisley printed tie-dye shirts recycled from the early 70’s. This drove Margaret mad, since she was all about dressing to the nines and putting her favorite Gucci dress on for all of Manhattan to envy. D

     “Can’t we take you shopping for some decent clothes?” Margaret would say repeatedly. U

One day when Richard was working at the hospital, cunning Margaret decided to take control of her husband’s wardrobe malfunctions. She stuffed the worst of his clothing choices into a garbage bag (which is what she viewed them as: garbage) and got into her red Maserati and drove the bag of clothes to the Goodwill store. This was Margaret’s first donation ever… but not her last. U

A couple weeks passed D and Richard didn’t seem to notice that the bulk of his tacky clothing was nowhere to be found. Due to his cluelessness, Margaret got the best beauty sleep of her life, falling into slumber D with her angelic face atop her plush Temper-pedic pillow, her body deep within the couples’ Egyptian cotton sheets, dreaming of her next naughty splurge at Saks Fifth Avenue. Until one night, when Richard arrived home early. U

“Mags honey, the weirdest thing happened earlier this evening at the hospital,” Richard said as he made his way toward the couch. U

“What on earth Rich?” She replied plopping down next to her husband on their mahogany colored leather couch to listen more closely.U

“A patient today, well, not even a patient, a homeless man came in wearing a paisley printed, bright green, tie-dye, tattered shirt. I could’ve sworn it was one of mine, but I couldn’t quite make it out because of the blood all over it. He got into a drunken brawl with another homeless man over some food they both found while dumpster diving together. I thought I was the only one who liked those funny lookin’ shirts. Anyhow, it was real weird and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.” U

“That is indeed bizarre, sweetie,” she said with a menacing smirk on her face. U

“Yes, very much so!” he responded, getting up off the couch to make his way up the stairs to bed. U

That night as Margaret laid in bed D next her husband, she thought how sneaky it was for her to donate his clothes to charity. But the odds of the homeless man ending up with her husband’s shirt, and then in the same hospital was simply unfathomable. She grew manic with the urge to dispose of more of his wretched pieces of clothing, but this time to a charity whose customers were not tangible to her husband. Margaret was so fixated on doing so she crept out of bed, and again stuffed the worst of his clothing choices into a garbage bag, and tip-toed down the stairs to hide the bag in the trunk of her car. She then delicately crawled back into bed with her husband and shut her eyes until the urgency to dispose of his clothes drifted away. U

The next morning Margaret looked up the address to the Haiti relief fund in the Yellow Pages. She then loaded the bag in her trunk into an old box that used to be filled with clothes her husband ordered for her online from Yves Saint Laurent. Again, she hoped into her red Maserati, and this time drove to the post office to mail off another load of Richard’s wardrobe hoping it would never return to haunt her again. U

A year passed D and the couple continued living the same lifestyle they had always taken for granted. One night Richard arrived home exceptionally late from the ER, and Margaret woke up at 3:47AM to the floor boards creaking. After contemplating whether she wanted to fall back asleep or greet her husband who had just arrived home, she finally decided to slowly walk down the stairs, sliding her left hand along the banister. She sat next to her husband in complete and utter silence for a quite a while on their leather couch. He then got up to pour himself a glass of Scotch from their marble countertop bar. Then he sat back down next to his wife on the couch and turned on the TV. To both of their bewilderment an infomercial came on featuring the Haiti Relief Fund. In the commercial appeared a family consisting of a husband, wife and young boy opening up a box labeled Yves Saint Laurent. Out of the box came nearly all of Richard’s outdated shirts. The husband looked at his wife with complete and utter joy, and they rejoiced in hugs, laughter, and tears of joy. U

Richard turned to look at Margaret with amazement. U

“It’s not a coincidence another destitute man ended up with clothing resembling mine in a box of clothes I bought you, is it?” he said to his wife tersely. U

Margaret broke down crying hysterically. U

“Yes it’s true. I believe that box is full of your clothing I got rid of and shipped off to the Haiti Relief Fund, and yes it’s true the homeless man at the hospital was probably also wearing your shirt I donated to Goodwill.  I’M SORRY, I’M SO SORRY, RICH,” she pleaded, falling to her knees. U

Richard paused for a long while to reflect on what had just happened D. After thinking for quite a while he had some sort of revelation. U

“Margaret, we have been pretending to be happy for a very long time D. And although I do not condone this type of behavior, I also realize through this experience that we take each other and everything else in our lives for granted. Look, look how happy that family is who has nothing with my hideous box of clothes.  We have so much and still are never satisfied,” he said. “You’re so right,” Margaret responded. “All I ever wanted was a family and we never had that opportunity and now have turned to the wrong things to make us happy.” Margaret had tears in her eyes and her voice was the most sincere he had ever heard it. U

The next day Richard called in sick to work for the first time ever. Together, the couple took the subway (instead of a taxi) down to 42nd Street, where the adoption agency was located. Six months following their visit to the agency the couple flew back from Haiti with an adopted baby boy, nestled deep in Margaret’s arms. They both then looked at each other, smiled and laughed with tears of joy overflowing in their eyes, just like the Haitian family did in the infomercial. U

(Exercise #4, 82 Magnifying Conflict):



Characters:

A

B

*=Magnified Conflict

"It"

(Act One)

(Curtain up. Two people are sitting next to each other acting casual like they don’t know one another. Clearly they do know each other because after a long pause they start talking as if they’ve known each other for years.)

A:

(Worried) Did you bring it?

B:

Nice to see you.

A:

Life or *murder, Jesus!

B:

Why not choose death?

A:

Maybe I won’t die.

B:

*You definitely will.

A:

You’re not helping Tony.

Tony (B):

But I am kid.

A:

(Frustrated) Do you have it!?

Tony (B):

*You can count on me just as much as you can count on death. (He opens a black leather suite case and hands Irene (A) something wrapped in a cloth, “it” is almost a foot long.)

Irene (A):

You saved my life.

Tony (B):

*I didn’t. Be careful.

Irene (A):

(Looking manic) *muhahahaha!

Tony (B):

It ain’t a toy!

Irene (A):

(Menacing Smile) It’s my new toy.

Tony (B):

(Worried reaches to take “it” back) No refunds.

Irene (A):

(Opens her umbrella haste fully and runs away with “it”) SUCKER!

EXT:
Irene (A) exits where they are sitting and runs away. Moments later a loud “BOOM” is heard. Irene (A) is nowhere to be found and Tony (B) lies on the ground next to where the two were sitting. He is bleeding profusely from his chest.